In Which Living Arrangements Are Discussed

My conversation with Simon went better than expected, but had a rather dramatic outcome: he has decided to sublet a separate living space for at least a couple of months starting in September. It's already a pretty done deal, too. I called a former room mate of mine today whom I knew was unlikely to have a tenant, and she is all for it. So, you ask, why this?

Simon has been in the process of realizing that he needs to take his current mental health situation seriously in order to heal and figure out if our divergent life goals can be commensurable. I am very proud of his self-possession about this although he clearly has the persistent worry that I don't trust his judgement about his mental health needs. I can see why he thinks that I don't respect the seriousness of his condition--I am outspokenly anti-Big Pharma, and I always urge him to think long and hard before beginning to take drugs for mental health issues. Nevertheless, the very valid point was made that I have never had to deal with suicidal depression, it's not my life that's on the line, etc. And so I have reached a place where I can be unreservedly supportive despite my misgivings.

Our intention is to spend that time doing a lot of soul-searching and self-discovery with our time apart, and then to come back together and see what works for both of us. He wants to remove himself from these trigger situations that I keep throwing at him and focus on himself; I want to have time to calm the stress and anxiety that our relationship is bringing to my life.

The other less practical but more exciting probable outcome is that we get to fall in love with each other again. I feel pretty certain that some time and distance will remind us both of why we fell in love in the first place, and we will have the chance to reignite our spark.

The other obvious benefit to me is that I can have the chance to work out some of the slutty desires without fear of judgement, and perhaps arrive at a better understanding of how my sexuality figures into the sense of personal liberation that has become so important to me in these past few months. I am on a quest that I think I can only fully undertake alone for a while, and that will require me to have the freedom to focus on my process of experimentation. I am just so happy that we are a little closer to figuring out a solution that works for both of us, and we probably won't have to lose each other in the process.

In other news, Lachlan and I have a lunch date planned for next week. Let's see if the magic is still there when we're back in Camp Reality.