In Which Carnita and Lachlan Have Tacos

I left Lachlan a clever voice mail over the weekend: "This is a public service message for Lachlan MacMurray from the offices of the Department of Friends With Benefits. We would like to arrange a friendly meet and greet luncheon with you sometime this week at your convenience..."

So he met me for lunch today at a great little taco shop right down the street from his studio. It was fine and friendly. He asked how Simon is doing, I asked how his son is doing, and we talked about Transformus.

The only remarkable thing about it to me is noticing how capable I was of feeling quite jealous over him. I asked if he planned to go to the annual post-Transformus dance party redux this weekend, and he said that of course he will go but he already has a date. I got more uncomfortable than I would have thought when I heard this, and I started to revise my whole plan to go. The idea of seeing him with another woman--who no doubt is likely to demand exclusivity from him soon--made my stomach churn and my eyes flush with fire. I don't like that feeling at all.

As we were saying goodbye...

Lachlan: You should come! There will be lots of other fun people there. Why don't you want to go?

Me: Well, it's like this. I am not above jealousy. I am capable of feeling it, just less than most people do and with a stronger commitment never to act on it. I feel like seeing you with another woman so soon could trigger that.

And then, bafflingly, he smiles?? Not sure how to take that. But then he diverted the conversation to an explanation of who she is, and he sortof noncommittally said that he didn't think he would be okay with it if she asked him not to see other people at this point. And then, he says, "I really had an amazing time with you at Transformus. That's some of the best sex I've ever had in my life." Yeah, Lachlan, I know. We were both there, and it was earth-shakingly hot. I definitely remember.

After he left, I didn't feel like I'd said quite everything I meant to, so the ensuing text message exchange went as follows:

Me: Yep, I'd certainly be pleased if you waited a minute on promising things to someone. I don't feel at all finished with your body.

Lachlan: Sweet, fair enough!

Me: I have no real negotiation power I realize, but I'm asking for the gift of your consideration, friend.

...And I do so hope that he keeps himself out from under the monogamy knife for a while yet. I don't know whether to go to this party and risk getting confused and feeling lonely. i

Getting involved with monogs people is stressful. After I work out the rest of my story with him, I might have to call it quits on playing with fire like this. But in my defense, I did set out a few months ago with the express purpose of doing a lot of experiential learning and experimentation that I know very well can earn me some scars. I need to learn, though, so bring it on.