In Which Carnita's Mojo Mysteriously Returns out of the Rubble of Surprisingly Deep Heartbreak

I was not expecting, reader, to be so heartbroken when Lachlan ended things a couple of weeks ago. I think I will be grieving for a while yet, and I certainly don't have eyes or anyone else. I've settled comfortably into the idea of a long period without romance or sex. It would take a lot to impress me after Lachlan anyway, and I am enjoying the clarity of this personal renaissance.

Ironically yet unsurprisingly, this is the precise moment when suddenly I find myself flocked with suitors, all of whom are quite nice and attractive, but none of whom I want in the way that I suspect they may want me. I literally can't even remember who all of them are. Let's see...there's Dante, the sexy, smart one I met and kissed at a party and who lives out of town; Marcus, the adorable bike mechanic; Ronnie, the independently wealthy and terrifically slutty fun boy who is sweet and kind to me; Chan, the soft-spoken, respectful, and intelligent Southeast Asian guy; Jackson, the big, strapping farm boy who is startlingly insightful and very dedicated to his academics; Shannon, the boy I used to make out with in college and who would apparently like a re-match; Will, the bookish DJ who is an absolute aficionado of African pop music and documentary film; Dane, the attractive older (married) colleague of mine whose company I enjoy very much and who appears to have developed an unnerving passion for me; Caleb, who started making efforts to pull me back into his life as soon as I had decided to give up; several others of whom I am totally uncertain but suspect that they have been making eyes; and countless other strangers who have clearly indicated their attraction or interest in various ways.

What. The. Fuck?! Where did they all come from? I find myself in a concerted struggle to keep them all at arm's length. I want to get to know them, sure, but they want more than that...and why are there so many of them?! I am the same person. I didn't change my hair or the way I dress...? WTF.

Harvey, dear love of my life who until recently never, ever commented on my appearance or even hugged me before leaving the house, even condescended to comment on the phenomenon:

H: (Puts down book, stares at me thoughtfully) Carn, you're looking good these days.
Me: Yeah? But I didn't change anything...
H: Maybe it's a hormone thing...because there isn't another male in the house. Maybe it's because you're happier. I don't know, but you're seeming more attractive, at least to me.
Me: (Uncomfortable, awkward) Thanks, I guess?
H: I'm telling you, something is different about you. It's noticeable.

...And my sweet funny poly friend Peter, who is visiting today from his hippie commune out in the woods, had this to say about the matter: "There is nothing more attractive than a woman who doesn't need anything from you--who does her own thing and won't be sidetracked by any man. That kind of woman makes a man think, 'Wow, she's so independent. That's sexy. Let's see what we can do to remedy this situation.'" Ha!

One fantastic outcome of the last few weeks of my absence from this blog has been both the re-emergence of my creativity and a few very exciting opportunities to exercise it. My new friend Gwen has offered me an apprenticeship type of arrangement, and I have already begun to work with her in her jewelry studio. Next week, I will start working with her on the far sexier trade: blacksmithing! I am so excited by the image of myself standing over a flaming forge...

I have put a pause on my martial arts practice in order to energetically and financially recover from the last few months' events. I feel a little guilty, like I am copping out in a way, but I truly feel like there are several ways in which I can't afford that activity right now.

Too Long; Didn't Read Version (known as TL;DR to Redditors):

I'm swamped with people who want to date me or fuck me or otherwise possess a piece of me, but I don't want to date any of them because I'm still heartbroken over Lachlan and I want to focus on myself. Otherwise, lots of new, exciting things are going on in my life, and I'm looking forward to exploring new creative outlets.