In Which Our Protagonist Suffers from Body Shame Blues

Reader, I am angry. I am trying to keep the frequency vibrating at anger, anyway, lest I sink back into the sad, self-pitying, disempowered place in which I've spent most of this day. I am making plans to go out and get 'em done, have an angry, super-hot makeout with pretty much the first hottie that shows up and is down.

The nasty mood started last night when I was looking at some super sex-pozzie porn on that great blog I posted earlier. I know, sad that imagery of great sex would have such an ill effect, right? Sometimes when you're really far down in the dumps, I guess other people's happiness and enjoyment can be a negative trigger. I hate that. Nevertheless, I found myself feeling jealous and resentful of all these beautiful queers getting sexy and enjoying each other because I feel damaged. If I could erase the shit that Peter said to me three weeks ago, I would do it without even pausing to consider.

I realize that right now as I type this, I am experiencing the same problem that has kept me from writing in this blog much these days: I don't feel like I need it in the same way anymore as a space to process what I'm going through. I have friends for that. I'm getting a little bored of trying to keep a journal-type thing of all of my exploits, especially since my status seems to change so very often, and in order to keep up, I've had to sacrifice a lot of depth. So I'm just going to skip the summary for now and talk about what I feel like talking about.

So now I am in this wild mood. I am going to hook up with someone or other tonight. I know, dangerous! But hey, whoever it is won't even be aware of ever having a choice in the matter. People who might be my victims tonight are: Silas, JAMES (!!!), Dan (but probably not, he seems to be in the polyfidelitous way right now), Colin...or any number of other hotties I might run into this evening.

I need to do this to get my mojo back. I am tired of waiting around for my issues to get "dealt with" in some ponderous way when it seems like I really could just put a big fat poultice on the wound and make it feel better if I get someone's hands and lips all over me. Like, tonight.

First stop after masturbating, I think, is to go grab Colin, yank him outside of the club where he plans to be hanging out tonight, drag him into the alley, and climb all. Over. Him. He's down, too. I think that will be a fantastic way to kick things off.

After that, I'm going to meet up with Dan and his lovely lady friend for a couple of drinks, go to a fetish-themed Christmas party with the carnies, and find someone to make out with there. Later, James might show up, and then...oh holy hell...

(Yes, he started talking to me again. We'll see where that goes...)

In other news, Harvey is having great sex with a lovely new woman, and Val has been making out with a married poly guy. She has a one-on-one meetup with his wife planned for sometime next week. La la la la la....